Bombs. That’s what I call them. When life seems to be going along its merry way and then, BOOM, something comes out of nowhere that knocks you off your feet and takes the breath right out of you. You think all is well and, BOOM – you thought wrong. Unexpected, disorienting, earth-shattering, shrapnel-flying, sometimes making you feel like you might die – happenings of life. Do you know what I mean? We seem to have a regular occurrence of bombs in our family. God has used the bombs to shake that which can be shaken, so that what remains CAN NEVER BE SHAKEN (Heb. 12:27). As I look back on the bombs of recent years, I see God’s goodness and glory. I can see how we have come out stronger and better on the other side.
Recently, I found myself feeling particularly disoriented from a bomb that seemed to be too big for my weary heart to handle. I remember thinking, “Why Lord? What did we do to deserve this? I didn’t sign up for this!” I wondered what I could do to get out of the bombing zone. Where could I run so that I would be out of the enemy’s sight line? You see, sometimes fear makes me want to live the Christian life under the radar – don’t offend anyone, don’t do anything to make evil feel threatened – then maybe the bombs would stop, right? I imagine a life without bombs to be a life of predictability, order, rest…rainbows and butterflies too. I admit the thought of it is tempting. I am tempted to believe the lie that tells me giving in, disconnecting, and running away will give me what I think I want. That feels good for about a minute, and then my heart aches as I think of the grief that must bring the God who created me, redeemed me, and is restoring me to live in courage through circumstances, not running from them.
God didn’t make me to live under the radar. He didn’t make me to run away from the bombs. If I give in and retreat, I am saying NO to God and NO to the care and comfort he wants to give me in the midst of it all. I am saying NO to becoming the woman he made me to be. That is exactly what evil wants me to do–he wants to take me out of the story and get me to believe the lie that the bombs will stop if I am no longer fighting back. Maybe they would, and maybe they wouldn’t–that’s really not the point, is it? The point is God wants to show me who he is in the midst of the bombs, and he wants to show me who he uniquely made me to be for such a time (bomb) as this. These are things that my loving Father has decided. I will learn best on the battlefield, in the war zone. God didn’t create me for that smaller story that I imagine in my head….and I wouldn’t be fulfilled in that story.
Though the bombs sometimes knock me off my feet and they may cause ringing in my ears for a bit, making the truth a little more difficult to hear – the truth still remains. I was created for this. God redeemed me for this. I am the warrior God has been preparing for such a time as this. And, though I may bear scars from the battle, I will not be taken out. My children are worth fighting for. My family is worth fighting for. More importantly, the woman that God is revealing in me – SHE is worth fighting for! So I will continue to fight. I will put on my protective gear…which incidentally looks a lot like Ephesians 6: the belt of truth, the breastplate of his righteousness, readiness that comes from the peace of the gospel, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the spirit. I will rally my troops of the fellowship and I. WILL. WIN. Not because my hope is in circumstances changing, or things going the way I want, or even in my ability to better withstand the bombs. I will win because he has already won the war. My hope is in the One who loves me and mine more than I can comprehend, whose hands the bombs must pass through, the One who says This is for your good and my glory, the One who knows the beginning from the end and has already written my story. It is a great and adventurous love story. And though the backdrop of my story may be a battlefield, it is well with my soul.